POETRY: Nostalgia

I’ve been looking for a way to start this,

I already know how it ends,

My playlist gets the message across with each beat,

Black and blue, the sign of my defeat,

The emptiness I feel as I stare at the ceiling,

Realizing I’m asleep in the wrong room,

He went down on one knee to propose a solution,

I ended up going do the aisle with the wrong groom,

a marriage of the mind looms, or does it?

I feel sadness with tinge of gladness,

…subtle madness,

I hate it, I love it,

Can’t get over or above it,

I’m sick of it all, but I’m patient,

The hospital called, the doctor couldn’t work a day shift,

I nursed my wounds, accepting my letter to get well soon

Night fell, and dawn broke my heart with sunny gloom

I wanna be far away for forever and a day

Pacing myself down the hallway thinking,

“This time, I won’t be back”,

I’ll take a trip, never to stumble on you again,

Till I fall in love with the smile in the reflection,

I’ll be of one direction,

But as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling of my new home,

I’m drawn to the attic,

in tact is a picture of you,

I drew closer to the nipples of my treasure chest, the memories I kept in my infant mind,

The secrets I hide behind my breasts, suckle me to sleep,

Shallow breaths, to a deep sleep stretch me to reach for my dreams,

A nightmare punctuated by a scream,

I want out,

I open my eyes to the closed chest,

It’s a cold chest, lest pneumonia… I digress,

I want to leave, but the flesh is weak,

Especially my fingers, as they linger on the locks,

It’s opened, with the darkest parts of my heart,

To think I carried you all along,

You had the graces of a new-born,

My baby,

But you betrayed me,

No-one was willing to adopt,

But I couldn’t bring you up to be with me,

I started to wail and scream,

Then cracked a smile,

As the tears cleared,

I realised you weren’t worth the while