State of the Nation: Of Rats, Daura and JAMB

The very good people at my office have been away for a very long time that’s why we haven’t been able to duly and timely report the happenings in our dear and highly comical nation. So many things have gone down in the past few weeks but this past week stands out from the lot. I urge you to buy ice cream if you are easily infuriated, get your pacemaker and BP kit if you’ve got high blood pressure, and get your inhaler if you are asthmatic before you read this particular installment because different kinds of emotions would be felt during this piece. So, if you are ready, sit back “SMH” and “LOL/LMAO” for our beloved country.

The King is back

I was on my way back from an all-important village meeting on Saturday the 19^th of August at about 5:00PM when news got to me that the away king has come home. He came back and met a messiah-like reception and I told my fellow travelers that this is the very reason why the country would remain the way it is. Inasmuch as we thank God for the survival of the president in his health ordeals, I believe it’s imperative we ask questions. We hold in the highest regard the OFFICE not the PERSON, that’s why there’s change and displacement in elected position but the office remains. Which do we value most:
PMB or the office of the president?

When we glorify persons above the boundaries of their elected offices, it becomes difficult for us to be objective while mentioning or scrutinizing the lapses in judgment of such persons with regards to the rule of law and common sense. We all clearly agree that the president has a lot to answer for (if ever the questions were asked) as regards his trip. Questions like: in a country experiencing or recovering from recession, how were the bills (health, allowances, and estacode) of his entire entourage for the duration, paid while he was in London? What was the nature of his illness? And what guarantee or assurance do we have that it will not repeat itself again before the end on his tenure? Too many questions, Garba Shehu and Femi Adesina are not there to answer, why? The next subheading would clarify

The Rats in Charge

While the king was away, rats came to play. On arrival of the president to Nigeria, we expected him to hit the ground running which has been happening gradually, but Nigerians were shocked when the media aide to the president in the person of Garba Shehu, told the entire nation that rats had invaded the office of the president, destroying AC fittings and furniture and thereby making the office uninhabitable for the president. Please re-read that statement and decide for yourself if you’d have come up with a better excuse. The most secure office in the nation and arguably the entire continent with a fumigation budget of close to 2 million naira was invaded by rats? Come on Garba, I lie better than that!

The president’s return was not a surprise, he clearly informed his team of his imminent arrival and yet nobody dimmed it wise to tidy his office for him? In fact, while he was away nobody ever did the routine clean-up of his office? A week to his arrival, the very same media aide told the nation that the office of the president eagerly awaited his arrival: clearly, he was talking about his home office. Please I supply all kinds of rat poisons at affordable prices. I have kill and dry, kill sharp-sharp, but because of the immediacy of this particular situation, I recommend otapiapia.

The Owerri Massacre

On the 26^th of this month, Eke-Ukwu market in Owerri was marked to be destroyed and the police officers who were to accompany the demolition team opened fire on innocent civilians as can be seen on various social media platforms. There are various reports of injuries but just three confirmed deaths which includes that of a ten-year-old boy who was gunned down by stray bullets. There are also unconfirmed reports that the governor of Imo state, Gov. Rochas Okorocha, was the mastermind behind the brutal show of force because, according to ‘some sources’, the market was to be sold to one of the richest men in the country. This story is so serious and still in progress so I cannot speak further but remember; the police is still your friend.

Trains for Daura

One of the very first acts of PMB on his arrival was to approve the construction of a railway line from Kano to Daura. Developing one’s place of origin is something that must be commended as it would be a monument to commemorate your time in office as being beneficial to your people. This is something most of the southerners couldn’t boast of during the presidency of GEJ. With this said, there are certain things that might be considered going overboard in satisfying one’s constituents. The fact that I want to develop my state of origin doesn’t mean I would forgo the most important rule in Economics — Scale of Preference. There are other commercial cities in this country with greater need for advanced public transport systems than Katsina. A similar action was seen in Edo state during the past government when the past governor built, with state funds, a university in his village when it was very clear that the only state funded institution was in comatose. We welcome such developmental strides but they must fit properly into the big picture.

JAMB, The Future and The Third World Mentality

The future we seek is a reflection of our standard of education. No nation can be more developed than its level of education. The Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) recently did the unimaginable by slashing the cut-off marks for higher institutions. The total score for JAMB is 400 and before now they maintained a cut-off of 200 (which is 50%) for universities and 180 (which is 45%) for polytechnics. This was still a poor reflection on the standards of education in Nigeria but the new cut-off mark for universities and polytechnics which is 120 (30%) and 100 (25%) respectively, is nothing short of self-sabotage, maybe even an act of treason. In the long run, the quest for excellence will die (in fact is dying) if a policy which should secure the intellectual strength of the future of Nigeria is given an F pass mark (going by WASSCE and NECO) standards. What were the minister of education and the director of JAMB thinking? What was the rational they used to arrive at this new score? What was wrong with the old cut-off mark? What does the new score achieve?

We are a third world nation not because of the difference in development between us and the western world, but because of our difference in reasoning.

God Bless Nigeria!!!

Efosa Iguodala

Graduate of Chemistry, GrantCorp founder, political analyst and a Gunner for Life!