Hello everybody, Efosa is here again; SumtinJustHappenRightNow. It’s been 6 months of hibernation for me and I have mixed feelings about my second coming. Nigeria seems to be on a time loop so we live in a constant state of déjà vu; we invent newer ways to make old mistakes. As this is my first article for more than half a year, I’d try not to rant but this effort may prove to be futile. Just as they started Black Panther with the Sambisa Forest scene, we would start our problem from the most inglorious episode… Wakanda forever, sorry Naija forever! I’m considering that vibranium migration.
NIGERIA NEEDS FUMIGATION
Everybody needs to step outside for a long minute, because we really need to fumigate Nigeria. Animals are running ragged in this country. First, it was the rats that invaded the most secure facility in the country (The office of the President), an office with a multimillion naira maintenance budget, and forced the president to work from home for almost 2 weeks. Next, it was the turn of the snake who invaded JAMB *microfinance bank* office. When we thought it was over, the Planet of the Apes sent their leader, Caesar of the N70m battalion of the monkey troops to invade the farm of a northern senator and do the needful. The fact that corrupt citizens now place their transgressions on wildlife is testament to how seriously they take the rest of us.
HATE SPEECH AND THE MEDIEVAL PUNISHMENT
Sometime in the past week, a motion was moved on the floor of the Senate by Senator Aliyu Sabi Abdullahi (APC, Niger) for people to be hanged if found guilty of murder via hate related messages and speeches. What has become of our country? Why have we allowed ourselves to be represented by a bunch of idiots? A senator wants people to be hanged for “hate speech”, which invariably translates to “saying things that I don’t like”. I stand to be corrected but, the 8th assembly of the NASS is the most irrelevant of all. What exactly is hate speech? Does threatening a blood baptism of the dog and baboon if a certain election was lost not constitute hate speech? Does threatening the Nigerian Army and the sovereignty of the nation if a single Fulani man is killed, not constitute hate speech? Does ridiculing the accusations of ethnic cleansing, genocide and insulting the affected people not constitute hate speech? Who are we deceiving? Why do we get to choose what is and is not simply because we are now ‘wise’ enough to make laws? Why do we have amnesty for looters and hanging for hate speech? Isn’t the case of libel, slander and second-degree murder supposed to target the problems of hate speech? Welcome to the Federal Sharia Republic of Nigeria!
DAPCHI, THE LATEST CHIBOK
When I sat to watch Black Panther and I saw the Sambisa scene, I felt a bit let down because that scenario was a long time ago and my President already assured me that never again would it repeat itself, little did I know that Marvel was being prophetic. If there ever was a case of perpetual foolishness, this is it. In 2014, prior to the presidential elections, about 220 girls were abducted by the Boko Haram terrorist organisation from their school in CHIBOK (a landlocked town in Borno state surrounded by multiple military checkpoints) and taken to the world-famous Sambisa forest and are yet to be completely released. Fast forward to February 19, 2018, same incident, different location and half the number of victims. The army was mysteriously reassigned just before the incident and as we speak, it took the federal government 3 days to accept this monumental blow to the administration that boasted to have “technically defeated” Boko Haram. Who redirected the troops? Who calls the shots? Now we have two different people claiming to be Boko Haram negotiators. As a country, maybe we need to start again, this democratic experiment has failed.
BUHARI, FROM GLORY TO GLORY
In the later part of last month, the latest world poverty index showed that Nigeria had overtaken India as the country with the highest amount of people below the poverty line. All hail Buhari, the Daura man is overtaking on every side. India has a population of 1.2 billion people and Nigeria has roughly 180million, yet there are more poor people in Nigeria than India. The presidency immediately released a statement challenging the report and condemning it — the same presidency that worships international commendations are now kicking against one — It is as though karma has Buhari on speed dial.
When Transparency International listed this present administration as one of the most corrupt in the world, the president vehemently opposed this notion but his defence makes no sense as he still has a lot of skeletons in his cupboard. Top of the list is Maina-Gate. Maina was convicted for serious fraud and abuse of power but this administration overturned that judgement without due process, reinstated him and paid him salaries in arrears. Next is Babachir Lawal, then the missing $24bn NNPC fund and then the medical trips and foreign visits. Most recently, his son, Yusuf crashed a multimillion naira (approximately 156 million) bike and nothing was heard of the source of the funds. Immediately, the boy was flown abroad for treatment and he recently returned on a chartered jet which costs millions of naira and was immediately greeted by the Minister of State for Health, Governor of Kogi State (who now lives in Aso rock apparently). Let us not forget the padding of the budget with the most insulting inclusion of a N1.1bn cost for the cleaning of the office of the NSA office, and others. The man who many once claimed to be incorruptible is spearheading a government that may go down as being the most corruptible ever.
A president who has had only one media chat since his inauguration cannot be seen to be truly Democratic or welcoming. The high level of nonchalance, cluelessness and nepotism has led to where we are now. Four years seems to be the lifespan of every Nigerian dream. May we be wise enough to learn what we ought to before the sun sets on us again.
GOD BLESS NIGERIA!!!
Graduate of Chemistry, GrantCorp founder, political analyst and a Gunner for Life!