POETRY: The Eulogy

POETRY: The Eulogy

I don’t regret killing you
I remember one time I could have died for you
But you didn’t just sleep with her
You had a son with her
You hid every damn thing from me
And on nights when I accused you of being unfaithful
You made me apologise for how I felt.

I don’t regret killing you
I remember how many times you would come back drunk
You promised to kill me if I ever left you
Reminded me of my flaws
And how I never got around to giving you a child
Because you never were around to tame my wild
To find my edges and ride past them.
You made me beg for what should have been mine

I don’t regret killing you
I remember how I begged for us to work out our differences
You called me delusional and drained my self-esteem
You rained your scorn on me, and dimmed every gleam
Of the dreams I deemed fit for us: to love, reckless –
You, Bonnie, me, Clyde, this love, a hell-for-leather ride
God! we were to be the dream team
But you gave up on us, so I gave up your ghost

I don’t regret killing you
That’s all I ever wanted to do when the young man walked in calling you dad.
I would never forget how you looked when I brought out the knife that sliced your wrists twenty-four times
Each slice represents the years we have been together
Each year I felt ashamed that you’d never have someone who would call you father
And as every spurt of blood flying at me atoned for that shame
And every regret I could ever feel, my heart birthed joy
A better child than my womb could ever have for you

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