I’m writing this article from an undisclosed location in London close to the hideout of our president, my location is undisclosed because the DSS is the strongest arm of today’s government and I am not ready for Dasuki’s type of “free accommodation”. I have been asked to give a brief rundown addressing the state of the Nation from a citizen’s perspective. But hold on! The president I speak of is the president of Arsenal Supporters’ Club not the one you are thinking. I don’t want to be recalled.
So here we go…
A man named Evans
A self-made entrepreneur who’s involved in some serious soft work has been nabbed. But I’m sure you are aware by now, but are you aware of the saint status being conferred on him by his wife turned Nollywood actress, who was able to mobilize the entire family for a tearful selfie while addressing the issue of her husband’s arrest but also absolving herself of any wrongdoing whatsoever while hiding behind the shield of ignorance. It’s the view of every one in my present location that she be tried as an accessory to whatever charges are going to be leveled against her husband, Chukwuduben Onwuamadike (popularly referred to as Evans), as it is almost unbelievable that she didn’t know. And if this is not enough evidence, how about Evans saying she was well aware of his activities and a fellow cashier for his venture? Same should go for every single person who knew about his activities but refused to step forward. Yes, including his mother who disowned him for his soft work but refused to report him.
Dino… come home
Constituents of Kogi West senatorial district are fed up with the activities of their Harvard degree holding son, Dino Melaye, and they want to recall him. But like a Nigerian movie, Baba is shouting odeshi, we die here!!!
By law, just 50% of the total registered voters from his constituency can constitutionally recall the drama queen and as I write this, a total of 188,580 persons making up a whopping 52.3% have signed the petition seeking his recall. But Dino, who has had a very rough 2017 with the whole certificate brouhaha and his cat and rat dealings with Sahara reporters, is pointing accusing fingers at Governor Yahaya Bello as the mastermind of his current misfortune. Anyways, it would be a thing of joy and a very bold precedent if we can see a successful recall of a sitting senator… Oya my fellow Nigerians, operation come home has begun… Who’s next?
Oya Come and Go… The Remix (Arewa Youths Ft. IPOB)
After the threats of secession made by the Indigenous People of Biafra led by their Poka Messiah, Nnamdi Kanu, a reply has been given to their demands in order to perhaps fast-track their departure. The members of the Arewa Youths Consultative Council have issued an ultimatum for the entire Igbo community in northern Nigeria to vacate the region or face the consequences. How did we get back to this point in a sovereign Nation? This is the most ill-advised tactic that could ever be employed in a situation like this. I commend the actions of the FG in vociferously denouncing the threats. We must understand something, any plans to secede from a sovereign nation like Nigeria and even hoisting a flag to that effect is an act of treason and must be dealt a swift and deadly blow! But seeing the current plans of the rebel leader Nnamdi Kanu, it is clear that he wants to be a martyr and the actions of this government have all but increased his followership. Why now? Why are they advocating for a separate country now? They’ve never been marginalized like the brain-washed followers think. The Igbo community has always and will always be a powerful force in Nigeria. I stand to be corrected but I strongly believe that the greed of The North, craftiness of The West, cowardice of The South and pride of The East have placed us at the brink of division and I strongly believe that only true federalism is the solution and there’d be no better way to start the healing process other than implementing the recommendations of the 2014 Confab report.
O Bubu, Where art thou?
At this point, it is safe to say that many Nigerians have all but forgotten about the man from Daura. It is no longer news. Our adaptability is perhaps our greatest asset and our biggest undoing. We’re quick to forget, so quick to let things slide. It doesn’t matter anymore because we now have a president who seems tactful, but how far can he go in his “acting” capacity.
Our Change-President has disappeared, and if there’s one thing we have learnt from this shameful ordeal, it is that this nonsense should never repeat itself again. Our next presidential race as a country should and must include a public health screening.
We must understand that Nigeria belongs to everybody and nobody at the same time. God bless Nigeria!
Graduate of Chemistry, GrantCorp founder, political analyst and a Gunner for Life!
This is funny and brief. And unapologetically blunt. Well written Efosa I.
My brother, keep the good work going! nice piece, nice one.
“greed of The North, craftiness of The West, cowardice of The South and pride of The East….”
Funny, concise and on point